


Who Even Likes Camping?

by mr_quartermaster



Category: James Bond (Classic movies), James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: 007 Fest 2020, 00Q00 - Freeform, Cave, Double-O banter, Fluff and Humor, One Shot, Q to the rescue, trace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:27:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25079875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mr_quartermaster/pseuds/mr_quartermaster
Summary: When a mission goes wrong, 007 and 006 end up lost in the middle of the Apennines...Will they be able to make it out on their own? Or will they need the help of an ally?
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14
Collections: 007 Fest Fancreations





	Who Even Likes Camping?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Here's a one-shot for you. It's a funny one for once, I hope you enjoy it! Let me know what you think and leave some kudos if you do like it!

* * *

Whoever said that the lives of Double-Os were always filled with luxuries and pleasures really needed to spend a week in the shoes of one of those agents. Sure, there were occasions in which they found themselves in amazing five-star hotels and surrounded by the most beautiful people in the entire world, but then again, there were the more common occasions in which they found themselves dragged through the mud, thrown into freezing cold rivers and chased by maniacs like they were animals to be hunted and put up on walls as trophies.

Thankfully, this wasn’t the case. Although it wasn’t far from it.

MI6 had sent two of their best agents to track down a terrorist faction hiding in northern Italy; 006 and 007. Their last known position had been near Genoa but after a rather nasty shootout, the two agents had retreated into the forest to take cover in the midst of the enormous trees that surrounded them and led them up a treacherous trail up the mountains. The terrorist hadn’t followed—they knew the region way too well to want to go in there just to chase two intruders. Little did they know of the persistence of the two agents.

However, it wasn’t until they were deep into the wilderness that 007 pulled out the tracker he had received from Q Branch and discovered that it had been damaged by a bullet that had grazed him and miraculously failed to hit his leg.

“Shit…” He murmured, drawing the attention of his partner, who raised his head only to see James holding the brand new silver piece of technology, which now had a hole right in the middle of it.

“Well, that can’t be good…” Alec scoffed before taking a look around at the woodlands they were in. 

“No shit, Sherlock.” James sighed, tossing the tracker over his shoulder. There was no point in carrying useless trash around with them.

“You’re just being bitter because they ruined your new trousers.” Trevelyan hummed, turning back to him and smirking.

“Or maybe it’s because we’re lost in the middle of the Apennines?” Bond suggested, quirking an eyebrow at his partner, who was looking up at the sky and trying to find the sun through the thick canopy above them.

“Mmm… No, I still think it’s because of the trousers. What were they? Hugo Boss?” Alec asked with an all-knowing smile.

“Massimo Alba!” Bond grumbled, correcting him immediately. 

“Oh yeah! You’re right! How could I forget when you bragged about them the entire way here?”

“I did not brag about them! I simply told you about them!”

006 rolled his eyes, sitting down on the damp ground after failing to find the sun above them.

“Can’t tell which way the North is anymore?” It was James’s turn to tease him as he leaned against a nearby tree, smirking mischievously.

“Can you?” Alec scoffed in response.

The two looked at each other for the longest moment before James finally shook his head.

“No…”

Alec chuckled quietly and took James’s hand when the agent offered it to him, helping him get up.

“It’ll be dark before we reach the town. We should find some sort of refuge around here.”

James scrunched up his nose at the suggestion of spending the night in the outdoors instead of in a warm hotel room, but eventually nodded.

“Start walking then, saggy arse.”

“Oh, shut up.”

* * *

Alec had been right, darkness fell upon them after they had been walking for only an hour in the mountainous woodlands and they were left wandering in the dark, relying only on their dimmed sense of sight to avoid tripping or walking into a tree. The entire time they walked in a single direction, up the mountain. It was more strenuous, but at least they knew they wouldn’t walk right back into the enemy’s camp by accident.

About three hours after they started walking, they came across an irregularity on the rocky walls of the mountain, a cave. 

It was deep enough to create a fair amount of echo when James stepped in and pulled out one of the flares that they carried with them. He set it off and took a look around in the crimson light that it provided.

Indeed, the cave was enormous, with more than one level and tens of meters between each of them. Pastel pink stalactites hung threateningly from the roof of the cave, some of them almost met the stalagmites rising mightily from the ground.

“Holy shit…”

He heard Alec’s voice behind him, barely a whisper, but enough to take him out from the fantasy realm that the cave was.

“Classy as always, Alec.” He murmured just as the flare went out and the two were left in the dark once again, only this time they were aware of where they actually were.

“I think we should spend the night here.” Alec suddenly said. He was already setting down his backpack against the cave’s wall and sitting down on the ground when Bond looked over.

James wanted to protest and say no, he really did, but just as he parted his lips to speak, a lightning flashed in the dark midnight sky, followed by the deafening roar of thunder.

Perhaps they still had time to find a better place…

Oh! There was the rain!

And not just a light drizzle, but a full on downpour that made the two agents have to retreat deeper into the cavernous rock formation to avoid ending up soaked.

“Brilliant…” James murmured, sitting down by Alec’s side, his back resting against a short and thick stalagmite. Alec, on the other side, had already made himself comfortable on the floor, laying there with his head on his backpack, using it as a pillow.

“When was the last time you went camping?” He asked, looking over at Bond who frowned at the question that came out of nowhere.

“Seriously?”

“Yes! Seriously!”

James furrowed his eyebrows even more and pursed his lips in thought as he tried his best to remember when was the last time he had spent a night out in the middle of nature. In all honesty, he couldn’t remember. He shook his head and shrugged. 

“During training?” Alec asked, trying to help him out.

“Probably.” 007 replied, nodding thoughtfully.

“Yeah, me too.” His companion admitted, glancing towards the sky outside their refuge, which had turned a beautiful purple hue now that the storm had fully settled.

A long quietude settled between them, neither of them feeling the need to come up with anything to say to fill the silence. Instead, they kept to themselves as the wind blew colder in the woods, bringing some rain in and allowing the entrance of the cave to get waterlogged.

Once again, they retreated further into the cave.

By that point, the temperature had dropped quite a few degrees and the two Double-Os, completely unprepared to spend the night outdoors, were shivering violently. They sat side by side, knees hugged to their chests as they tried their best to maintain their warmth.

* * *

As soon as his tracker stopped working, Q realised something had to be wrong. Trackers didn’t just stop working out of nowhere, much less his trackers. Something had to have happened to it.

Or to whoever was carrying it…

He immediately tried to get in touch with them, but he had no luck. Neither of them were answering their phones.

The thought of something happening to James or even Alec made him feel sick.

That is exactly how he ended up on a train, heading to Genoa. On the way there he continued to try and track the agents using satellite images, which hardly worked in such a dense forest. He’d have to wait until he got there.

Equipped with hiking boots, his newest drone and a good jumper, Q entered the thick forest in search of his lost agents. It didn’t take long before he found his broken tracker lying on the ground. And to say that it was ‘broken’ was a nice way to put it, seeing as it had a bloody bullet hole in the middle and it was soaked. Damaged beyond repair.

The boffin huffed and shoved his piece of tech into his pocket, telling himself that if the two agents were alive and well, he’d make sure to hurt them himself for damaging his equipment.

He stopped there to get his drone out of his bag and carefully set it on the ground before he got his tablet out of his pocket. In less than a minute, it was up in the air and scanning their surroundings for traces of any life forms. 

It didn’t take long before it locked onto the Double-Os’ trace and started following it, just like a bloodhound would. Q followed behind it, reading the stats on the tablet and making sure to keep track of where he was at all times.

Using the drone, it took him no time to find the cave where the two agents had decided to spend the night. As it happened, it hadn’t been that far from their starting point, but somewhere along the way, the men had lost their way in the dark and walked in circles for a while.

Q was exhausted by the time he reached the cave, but the sight that received him, made his trip worth it. He immediately got his phone out to take a picture of the two agents, still deeply asleep and spooning each other.

* * *

“Fuck!” James cursed loudly as a flash went off in his face, waking him up. He immediately pushed Alec away and sat upright just in time to see the face of their Quartermaster, laughing at them.

“Morning, 007. 006.” Q chuckled as he put his phone away.

“Q?” Alec groaned, still half-asleep. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I thought you two might be in trouble so I came looking for you. But now that I see just how comfortable you were, I realise I should’ve just left alone.” The raven-haired hacker smirked. “Oh, and Alec? I never thought of you as the little spoon. Moneypenny is going to love this picture.” 

“You little shite…” Alec grumbled, getting up quickly and grabbing his bag as Q just laughed again. “If you don’t delete that picture right now–”

James, in the meantime, just rubbed his face and slowly got up, stretching his limbs. “If you two are done, could we possibly head back to the hotel or somewhere with a decent bed?”

Q looked at him for a moment and finally nodded. “Follow me.”


End file.
